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Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
AA, p. 63, last sentence Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, AA, p. 64 which many of us had never attempted. Though our (3rd Step) decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face (step 4), and be rid of (steps 5,6, and 7), the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. (From God) Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations. (On a piece of paper, make 3 columns and write these words in the first column)
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed PEOPLE, INSTITUTIONS or PRINCIPLES with whom we were angry.
The Cause * We asked ourselves why we were angry. AA, p. 65
In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships AA, p. 65 (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up." On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our: a. Self-esteem b. Security c. Ambitions d. Personal relations e. Sex relations Which had been interfered with? We were usually as definite as this example:
(Write as many as you need to.) AA, p. 66, paragraph 2, lines 1-2 But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the light of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. AA, p. 67 Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. (Prayer) We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God Save me from being angry. Thy will be done.
(Pray for all of them.) We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but as least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight. (Put a name next to each one below. Who did you affect with this behavior?)
Notice that the word FEAR is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It is an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper. even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. We put them on paper. We asked ourselves why we had them.
Are there any fears that are not connected to a resentment? 1. Thieves 2. The Dark 3. Nuclear War 4. Getting in an accident 5. Losing my job 6. Not being able to pay the mortgage 7. Car breaking down 8. Being alone 9. Never finding a partner 10. etc. Perhaps there is a better way, we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. Now about sex. Many of us needed and overhauling there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. AA Page 69 We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them? We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and we looked at it. In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test - was it selfish or not? (On a separate sheet of paper, we make another list and pose these questions. Last list today, I promise.)
We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly not to be despised and loathed. Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it. God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with AA, Page 70 persons is often desireable, but we let God be the final judge. We avoid histerical thinking or advice. Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are goin to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience. To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. In this book you read again and again that faith did AA, Page 71 for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself. |
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